Difficult Moments

January 22, 2012

Jason and I briefly woke up to say goodbye to our friend. We then went back to bed. After seeing all that they went through, Jason and I made sure to spend time with just each other today. Jason spent a great deal of time showing me how much I mean to him and letting me do the same. He spend so much time cleaning our house and doing simple, little things that really can impact marriages in big ways. Love, thank you love for taking care of our house, our cats, family, friends, and me. You are wonderful beyond belief and I can't thank you enough for what you did today. I've never doubted our marriage and it's because of the many things you do for us each day. So many people only take birthdays or Valentines day to show others that they care... you show me every day. I love you so much! One of the sweetest things Jason did was this: after seeing what our friend went through, he asked me "Is there anything that I can do better for you, love?" It's because he asks things like this and I try to do the same that we have such a wonderful marriage. I think most marriages are ruined for the same reasons... people end up hating their life and they blame the other person for it. Most 20 year-olds end up depressed because that's when you realize life isn't what you thought. Paying bills, working just to earn money to live, constantly doing mundane things (laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc)... who wouldn't get upset realizing this is the majority of their day. I think most people are unhappy with their lives and get tired of the meaningless things and they blame their spouse for not working hard enough, helping around the house enough, or they realize it would be less responsibility if they were just on their own. Truth is... I'm the only one who can make me happy about life. It's not Jason's fault. Just like it's not my fault if he's unhappy with his life. One main reason I love Jason is that he works to make his life enjoyable... he does projects, sees friends, goes for walks, reads, etc. Thank you for taking responsibility of your own happiness and letting me be there to enjoy it with you. I promise I will do everything I can to help you with your load just like you do with me, love. Thank you for being kind, thoughtful, and loving . . . in good and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer. Thank you for making those words mean something. I love you

January 23-25, 2012

I'm summing up three days at once because nothing major happened. Jason and I spent the majority of our days working, going for walks in Ashley Park, eating Cheerios for dinner, and enjoying fun tv shows. Jason made a special effort this week to send me really sweet text massages. I always get "good morning love" text massages, but I received a lot more throughout the next few days. The texts were filled with Jason saying he loves me, asking how I am, or just sending me funny stories. I love how he always tries to include me in his day . . . even at work :^)

January  26, 2012

Today I missed Jason. We both went to work and then after work Jason went out with coworkers to eat. I'm glad he did because I know he needs other people than just me... but I did miss him. It's weird to come home and not hear Jason randomly swearing at something or screaming in excitement because he fixed whatever it was that was broken. I love that about him! The randomness of Jason is my favorite.

Today Jason and I discovered we prequalified for a mortgage! He texted me when he got the call. I try each day to write something down that I love about Jason... today I kept thinking about being in our own home. So many people marry and eventually end up dreading going home... not me. The best part of my day is when Jason walks in the door and I get to hug him. I can't wait to buy our home so we can begin gardening together, reading books by a fire, hanging pictures of us on the wall, and playing with our cats on the stairs. I don't really care where we live, just as long as it's you walking in whatever door it is, love.

January 27, 2012

Today was a hard day for me. I had five patients end up in the hospital. . . one has cancer and was told she has two months left to live. It was one of those days where I was overloaded and felt like the world just sucks for no reason. Sometimes it's really hard to be a counselor... to sit in a room for five hour straight and have to listen to really horrible things. It is stressful to say the least. Well, when I got home I was exhausted. Jason and I decided to go for a walk. I ended up crying and looking like goo because of everything. Jason is amazing during moments like this. My whole life I've heard "don't be emotional. Women are always overemotional." I hate that. When I'm upset Jason always says "You can be upset, it's okay." He spent time out of his day to listen to me and hold me. I love Jason for that. He's such a great comfort.

January 28, 2012 and January 29, 2012

Although no one ever sees Jason and I fight... we have them. Just like every other normal, healthy couple... we have arguments and have difficult moments. Today was one of those. Jason had been quiet all morning and I knew something was wrong. After a while, Jason lovingly sat down next to me on the couch and asked if we could talk. Jason let me know that he was having a difficult time lately. He said he has to work really hard to be happy. Yesterday he was having a good day, but I wasn't. He ended up comforting me, but it ruined his day. It was a hard conversation, but very much needed. We talked and realized that I need to work toward making myself happier and not letting my work ruin my day. Although he is unbelievably good at comforting me, I need to be better at comforting myself. He let me know it was, of course, okay to cry and tell him how I'm doing... but I need more people and I need more than just work. I need more hobbies, friendships, and more things to do than just work. He's right. I let him know I'd work on it. We came up with a plan. We always have date nights on Fridays.... well, we added another date night... a different one. I think everyone has moments like this in marriage. We realize we need more than just our spouse. This also puts us at risks: getting involved in other relationships or hobbies could cause us to grow farther away from our spouse. Therefore, Jason and I will be doing fun projects together every Wednesday. The rules are: do not discuss work; do something fun and new (no tv); and do it together. Either he or I will pick what we will do together every Wednesday... I'm going first this coming Wednesday. I have to pick something for us both and then next Wednesday he will pick something. We can grow closer together while putting happier, new events in our lives. Also... another part of the plan is we both need hobbies outside of each other and we need to see friends, too.

I don't love arguing with Jason, having difficult conversations that are uncomfortable, or fighting... but it is probably what will save our marriage. Without those moments we will never be better, grow, or improve our personal lives and relationship. Thank you for saying difficult things, love. I love that we never raise our voice. Never do we yell or call each other names. Our arguments are loving but difficult. Jason is officially the best person to argue with or fight with ever! I would much rather have a day like this than never talk and end up in divorce. I love you Mr. Brown!

Also... thanks for yelling at me and calling me names when we are NOT fighting... I love fake fighting with you. Most people try to fake fight with each other, but there is a secret to it that most don't get. You can only fake fight when you aren't angry at all... not even a little bit. You can't fake fight if you say something that is true and could be hurtful. It has to be outrageous and nothing like the other person. Example: Jason is not a lazy person at all! Thank you for that, by the way. When fake fighting I could easily and with no issue yell at the top of my voice "I hate you! You lazy, good-for-nothing, sh@%-faced mother f'er!!!" I can totally call him that whenever I want because he isn't lazy, he is totally worth more than I could ever say, and he doesn't do that last part either :^) I love him!

We also had a lovely dinner at the Mayhew house. They made really great burgers and we watched "Up the creek without a paddle"... so funny! This was a good way to begin incorporating happiness back into life :^) Jason continually held my hand and put his arm around me. It was really nice to get out and relax a little. After this weekend, Jason and I really needed something fun. Thank you Mayhews for a relaxing evening. And, thank you Jason for being extra affectionate after arguments and being very loving always.

January 30, 2012

Good morning Monday. Monday morning came with a lovely text from Jason telling me he loves me and that he thinks I'm beautiful... I'm so thankful he continually sends me those texts. Things like that are why I never doubt our marriage... he always reminds me how lucky I am.

After work Jason and I did some house hunting. We were going to walk in Ashley Park but it started raining. Oh well... gave us a chance to go to Sams and dream about a new home. As we drove around I began dancing in the car to Beirut's "Vagabond" song. I always move my shoulder up and down weirdly and make funny faces with this song. I then made a joke about being weird... Jason's reply made me so happy. He said, "I would never trade you in for a normal person." :^)

January 31, 2012

All I can say about today is: more house hunting. It continually rained but we went looking for a house. I think we're way too excited about this. Today was a regular, nothing-too-exciting-day. I hope I always get to spend ordinary days with the man I love. Even driving around in a car listening to Beirut is fun with him :^)

February 1, 2012

Today is our Wednesday date night where we begin incorporating happiness to our lives. I planned scrap-booking honeymoon photos, walking in the park, and board games. Unfortunately Jason was feeling sick and it began raining again. Also, I had ordered pictures for scrap-booking but they weren't developed in time... maybe today wasn't a good day to start new projects. We decided to wait until next Wednesday. Jason and I just drove around looking at houses and then watched some TV. It was still really nice watching "Cheers" while massaging Jason's head. I hate seeing him sick. Even when he's sick he tries to push through it... hence the house-hunting. I love how hard he works... but he needs rest, too.

February 2, 2012

Today Jason continued to feel sick. He ended up calling into work because of Sinus issues. He wasn't contagious but felt really bad. Thankfully he was able to relax and rest.

After work we had plans to have Lisa and Daniel over... Jason said it was just sinuses and that he was feeling better so they still got to visit. We made amazing chicken with rice and brownies. Jason was amazing and cooked and cleaned while I socialized. We're a pretty good team... I like to be with people and he likes to do tasks. Works out nicely when we have people over. Without him I'd probably burn everything because I was talking to everyone. I think that's reason number 100,000 why I love Jason :^)

February 3, 2012

Today is Beer Day!!!! Amazing thing about Jason number 10 billion: he makes his own beer along with everything else :^) Today was the day it was finally done (took 4 weeks!). He took a whole day off to enjoy it. I still had to work, but Jason was amazing enough to come visit me for lunch. No, he was not drinking that early in the morning so it was safe for him to drive ;^) We went to Panera and had a lot of fun... as always :^) While at lunch we finally heard from our real estate agent... and we then discovered we were able to look at the house next door to us later today! We loved it!

After discussing buying a home with the real-estate agent, we began talking about other houses to look at. Jason and I disagreed about looking for houses in Newnan. Again, another hard conversation. Jason said he wanted to look from Newnan to Fairburn. I didn't want to look in Newnan. My concern was that we'd move farther away from his side of the family and he'd have to drive farther to work. His concern was that the best houses might be in Newnan. I can't explain why this was a good conversation in the end, but it was. It makes me happy that we both can think differently and we respect each other's opinions. I understood where was coming from: we need to get the house that's best for us. And, he understood my opinion: I don't ever want his parents to think I'm trying to move him father from them and closer toward my side of the family. I really don't want that. Any issues with in-laws could potentially ruin marriages: I've seen it happen. I love my in-laws and Jason loves his. We are unbelievably lucky to have such great parents on both sides. I never ever want to risk hurting that relationship. I know Jason's parents probably wouldn't mind if moved to Newnan, but all I could think was that it wasn't fair. If I had a kid who married some girl, they moved closer to her parents, and I got to see them less... at the very least I'd be sad. We already moved once because of my job... I'd hate to move farther. Anyway... all that to say: I am thankful we both talked about it instead of getting mad and misunderstanding each other. Jason was really good about listen. We've decided to look around, find the best house, with the best location, and just go from there.

February 4, 2012
Saturday: the day of rest. Jason and I majorly slept in! I can't emphasize the majorly enough! Pretty sure it was after lunch when we got up... and we normally wake up at 4:45 or 5:30. What isn't good about sleeping that late is that you get stiff. Jason was super sweet and gave me a massage to help with that... how luck am I! We enjoyed relaxing, watching some tv, and just doing some cleaning around the house. I very relaxing day. For dinner we ate at Taco Mac and played a super fun game that probably most people play... guess that person's life. I'd pick a group of people or a couple and we'd have to guess why they're here, what they're life is like, if they're on a date, etc. I love that Jason and I always have new things to talk about. He researches so much, I interact with so many people at work/family/friends, and we both are interested to figure out why people do what they do... we're never bored at dinner! Amazingness of Jason: how entertaining he is; how smart he is; how hard he makes me laugh. I picked a good one!

After dinner: walking. We discuss many things while walking. One main thing we always come back to is religion. We both have pretty differing views on religion. Most people argue, but luckily we don't. I am okay with him believing something that I don't and I know he's okay that I disagree, too. Truth is: no one has proof either way. Why argue over something you can't be fully certain about.